‘We were absolutely blown to bits’: A son’s suicide, a family’s decision to face the impact openly

Betsy Thibaut Stephenson and her son Charlie pose for a photo one Fourth of July Charlie took his own life three years ago prompting Stephenson to write the book Blackbird A Mother's Reflections on Grief Loss and Life After Suicide Courtesy Betsy Thibaut Stephenson Betsy Thibaut Stephenson and her son Charlie pose for a photo one Fourth of July Charlie took his own life three years ago prompting Stephenson to write the book Blackbird A Mother's Reflections on Grief Loss and Life After Suicide Courtesy Betsy Thibaut Stephenson If we don t want people to die by suicide we need to start talking about suicide That s how Betsy Thibaut Stephenson an Alexandria mother and now an author sees the topic that for her family went from being an abstraction to a shattering reality Stephenson is the author of a book titled Blackbird A Mother s Reflections on Grief Loss and Life After Suicide She introduces herself in clear plain language I m a Virginia mother who lost my son to suicide three years ago she narrated WTOP I have committed myself to speaking openly about that loss and what we ve learned about depression and why it s crucial to take this very seriously Her son Charlie was and had finished his third year of university in Texas when he died by suicide We detected out that he was struggling in the spring she revealed Between the time that he first let us know that he was first considering self-harm and started getting help and when he died it was weeks Charlie had two older sisters He was unfailingly by far the most of easygoing child in our family Stephenson commented He was an observer she added with a quick wit and the kind of personality that led others to seek his advice when they needed it That s in part why his suicide was so devastating to his family When I look at his high school and middle school and even early college she reported there were no signs that he was experiencing any problems with his mental medical And it s not a topic the family had ever shied away from I have been in and out of therapy my entire life Stephenson noted adding it was something the family spoke about openly The night before he took his own life he d spent the evening out with friends Stephenson texted him Good night bub Hope you re doing great Love you He replied I m doing awesome Love you good night Hours later he ended his life As agonizing as the loss was to the entire family Stephenson who lives in Alexandria disclosed her husband and daughters agreed they would not try to hide the circumstances around Charlie s death We made the decision together to be forthcoming about cause of death to be honest about the fact that Charlie died by suicide But Stephenson mentioned just because the family s been honest and open about having experienced the loss of a loved one by suicide doesn t mean they aren t free of the pain and feelings of guilt that can effect It is hard but pretending like it didn t happen or keeping secrets from people does not help it she mentioned We need to do whatever we can to take the power away from suicide and to do that we need to make it less mysterious Stephenson stated her family makes clear to friends that talking about Charlie sharing a memory or solely missing him is welcome We carry him with us everywhere we bring him up in conversations constantly we tell stories about him we refer to him she explained I think that helps those around us be more assured with this loss Dealing with the crushing weight of grief was something Stephenson approached as a kind of job She made a conscious decision to learn about depression and hopefully by sharing with others help them avoid what her family experienced I thought I knew a lot about depression Then my son died by suicide And I definitely underestimated how powerful depression can be and how sneaky it can be she declared Stephenson disclosed she encourages people to have uncomfortable conversations and not to avoid painful or laborious topics surrounding mental soundness Uncomfortable conversations need to be handled gently but don t avoid it I think it s much better to talk things out One of the things Stephenson emphasizes when she speaks to groups or in interviews is the need to remove every practicable barrier to getting help That can be removing the soft limitations like the taboo of talking about suicide And then there are the programmatic systems like and other problem lines Stephenson announced Making those as available as realizable and as easy to access is only going to help people Appealed about the title of the book she explained her father played guitar and often played the song Blackbird by the Beatles After her father died in she gave his guitar to Charlie who learned to play it including playing the song she d loved so much as a child Blackbird humming in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise We learned that he played it a lot around school and like around the dorm and that people on campus had come to associate the song with Charlie Source